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Old 04-09-2011, 03:46 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ray View Post
Today, I was waiting for class and I got lost in a train of thought about O. I still feel so vulnerable and hurt about what happened I'm glad that I decided to cut off contact for awhile. It's allowed me to get stable and start letting go. . . . I'm thinking that when I return to training where he is present that it's best if we only interact as absolutely necessary. I'm just getting to a point where I can say, I don't need him to accomplish my goals or be happy in life. I don't want him to swoop in and destroy that.
Okay, erase from your mind that he even has one iota of power that he could possibly knock you off your center. Don't let him have that much authority in your life. If you continue to do what you need to do to heal and gain strength, making decisions to take care of you, finding your freedom, he won't be able to swoop in and destroy anything. Sure, you may have to set up some boundaries, but you don't have to hide out or harbor fears of him getting to you. It sounds like you are on your way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ray View Post
For so many years, I've tried so hard to be capable and independent but, really, I have no idea what I'm doing.
Amen, sister. I'll let you in on a secret. Nobody knows what the fuck we're doing, really. We just get good at the stuff we practice, just like your training. So, with each relationship, you get to know yourself more, and learn how to communicate, but we all have doubts about doing it right (doing relationships right, doing life right, whatever) at some point or another. Does that mean our doubts about ourselves are true? Nah. Just keep moving and being kind to yourself, finding solace in your friendships, and know you're doing great.

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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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