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Old 04-08-2011, 09:36 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
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Originally Posted by Seeker90 View Post
I know that I'm not in the complete right here. I also see the points that you and some other people are bringing up. I would like to address them with both Drew and Brian, but wouldn't know how to do it at this stage of things. I'd be afraid of messing things up further.
Believe me: communicating your concerns is not going to "mess things up further". Communication is never wrong. If you communicate honestly (and carefully) and things get messy, it's because they have trouble listening to the truth. And if that's the case, this relationship isn't going to be healthy anyway.
Originally Posted by Seeker90 View Post
Also I want to know how I can effectively communicate that while I understand where I have been wrong and want to improve on those aspects myself, I want you (particularly Drew) to realize that you destroyed that blind trust in me. And you'll need to earn it back, and I'm more than willing to give you that chance, but I'm not going to be freely trusting again, you need to prove to me I can trust you, that sort of message.
Return to that word "carefully": Do some research on "non-violent communication". You want to "effectively communicate" - meaning not only that you want to express how you feel, but also you want the communication to be effective? Then don't say "you destroyed ... you'll need to earn ... you need to prove ..." Say "I feel..., I need..., I'm hurt..." [Look in the mirror and point your finger at it, saying: "You really messed up! You destroyed... You're going to have to..." While you're doing it - and this needs some imagination on your part - imagine that that person in the mirror isn't you but somebody else talking to you in that aggressive way. Now... do you feel very open to doing as you're told? Are you really open to even hearing all those accusations heaped on your head?]

Hope this helps.
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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