Originally Posted by jryyc1
If he doesn't know, I don't know how to tell him any more than I already do.
I asked this question ("Does he KNOW that you love him?") because I'm aware of how much the mutual knowledge that each of us loves one another affects the relationship I share with my partner, Kevin. I KNOW that he loves me; He KNOWS that I love him -- and that's a greater achievement than it would seem, because ... well, we therefore know that neither of us will abandon the other. (Who doesn't fear being abandoned? Surely most all of us have some such fear in our psyches, somewhere.)
One can know that one is loved and yet not KNOW
it. All of these knowings come in degrees. Most of us are, if we're lucky, healing from past scars. Most, or many, of us have abandonment "issues" -- scars to the soul or psyche.... It's hard to KNOW
, sometimes, even when we know. Knowledge comes in kinds and degrees. Hearts often come wrapped in ancient bandaging, meant to protect from further hurt. The heart drinks deeply in KNOWING
; past hurts heal in KNOWING
Kevin & I can risk opening up in polyamory because we have that KNOWING
, even though we both still have further healing and discovering and growing to do around these delicate issues. We have risked it -- though neither of us has had a lasting "other". It brought us closer to open in this way. It healed, and deepened the KNOWING
. We are not ENTIRELY free of the fear of abandonment, but it is a small thing now, very small, and healing in the warmth and joy of our KNOWING.
This is going to be difficult for both of you, I'm afraid. But meeting the challenge of your situation can bring amazing growth, love and emotional/spiritual healing.
No rocks can be left unturned on the road you're entering. Nothing can be taken for granted. You must both look carefully and deeply at anything either of you are avoiding, hiding from, in your hearts. Nothing can be left unexposed to the light of love. Everything wants, in all of you, to meet the light of awareness-love.
Intuitively, I have a hunch that your husband may have a wound to his sexuality, perhaps. A wound which he doesn't yet know or understand. Only the two of you can explore this possible truth. But the two of you are apparently very close and yet distant. Some connection isn't happening between you, and there is the need of courage and love in shining, gently, a flashlight in that darkness -- a meeting of a fear that has, thus far, stymied the unfloldment and deepening of your connection and bond.
Just a hunch.