View Single Post
Old 04-07-2011, 06:39 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,420

Joining the thread a bit late, but I wanted to comment on this:

Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
I wonder though why monogamy comes so easily to so many people, though?
Does it, though? I'm of the opinion that some people are happier in a monogamous relationship, some in a poly one, and some are fine with either or both depending on the circumstances.
But with monogamy being the norm, we can see how it doesn't work for a lot of people. As usual with things like that, we tend to hear about it when it doesn't work more than when it does, so I can't pretend I have actual figures, but obviously, a lot of people cheat, some don't but are very tempted (and wouldn't that mean it doesn't come easily to them?), some would rather be allowed to date around but will settle for not being allowed to as long as their partner doesn't either, etc.

Of course, you also find mono people struggling with poly partners because they can't relate to it at all. And poly relationships failing for various reasons.

I don't think one is superior to the other, I think you need to live your own relationship(s) the way it is/they are.

About different types of love, though, I remember reading up on various terms...
For instance there is one type I forget the scientific name of, but which is commonly referred to as crush. That's a feeling that is strong due to not being revealed. The thrill is in feeling that way and not saying so, picturing the scene in which you confess your feelings, or even just feeding off of it without planning to ever share it, ever. It's some kind of drug that you get off of, sometimes even when it's absolutely impossible because the person doesn't exist (character in a movie, book, etc), is out of reach (famous person you'll never meet) or doesn't exist anymore (died, or your crush is on a younger version of them than they are now).
Basically, that one type of love was all about fantasy and make believe, and would tend to shatter if something did become possible with said person, because it's not built on anything solid (although it's possible to later have a relationship with that person).

Then we talk a lot about NRE around here, which is the way you feel at the beginning of a relationship. It's not the same as the one above, because you do have concrete things and you do know the other person likes you.

And there is the feeling you get in an established relationship, which is more about complicity and knowing each other than about passion, and close to a friendship.

I know a couple who have loved each other for close to 20 years now (been together for ten), and they have that newlywed vibe to them still, despite how long they've been together. Yet the also have that more established feeling too, so I definitely believe they can coexist.

And of course there is love you feel for your friends, your family, etc.

But putting labels on everything isn't always productive. I find it easier to just say I love said person, and know that the way I love them isn't the same way I love anyone else. But the point is that I want them to be happy, and knowing they're happy makes me happy, and that's pretty much the only constant here between all the different love I feel for various people in my life.
Reply With Quote