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Old 04-07-2011, 05:00 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FoCo View Post
I have thought about asking if I could talk to him, but I have no idea what is appropriate and what is not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Absolutely you are within your rights to ask for getting to talk to him. Please do that before she gets on that plane. How else can you be 100% sure he even knows you exist (yes, this is very unlikely, and I'm not implying this is your case). You need to hear things like 'is he poly?', 'how much does he expect to see your wife?' etc. from him, not relayed through her.
I'm so glad you brought this up. It seems that quite often secondaries see things a differently after they have met with a primary.

In my experience it is essential to meet other partners. I have been lied to before about them knowing I exist and found out that my partner was actually cheating and lying to both of us.

I think if I were you, I would want to talk to him to express my struggle with him being in her life and rushing to make this something that takes time to occur. I would want to know about his situation first hand, not from her. People speak differently to primaries of their partners about stuff. Creating some boundaries with him is a good idea. After all he wants to share your wife.
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