Pretty and I practice NVC regularly. We try really hard to use "I" statements and to express our needs as just that - our individual needs, and assess whether they're being met. I work with children and am way into gentle discipline and peaceful parenting/communication, and I have made NVC a way of life. By no means am I perfect at it, but I've learned to use it over the years and I love it. But I don't look at it as some kind of Holy Grail of communication. It doesn't always work.
How NVC looks in my relationship now is a lot of me talking, and a lot of him seemingly listening quietly, and then failing to follow through.
I have not sent him this email because I do agree that it is harsh. Harsher than anything I've ever said to him and yes, it contains a lot of YOU YOU YOU. It is scary to me that I feel this way and scary that I would write these things. I am so upset that I can't even stand it.
I will admit that I am in a fit of grief unlike anything I have ever in all my life experienced, which is taking me by surprise, and perhaps I'm not being as classy as I would otherwise be.
I have never ever talked to him in an ultimatum-y way. I have never threatened him or removed my affection, even in the wake of the mistakes he's made.
Maybe I'm just incredibly jealous and unable to deal.
I don't know.