Thread: Quad Family
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Old 04-06-2011, 05:27 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
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Okay, I admit it. I've been hiding out, nursing my sore ego. I just can't deal with Sunday, so I've been avoiding it.

Our Valentine's date never happened. What happened was that the weekend after Asha got back (March 19th/20th) Sunday called and invited us to go out to dinner with them. We were dirt poor, because Easy had been out of work sick, so I told Sunday that we couldn't afford to eat out. Sunday said, "Well, I still owe you a dinner." I hesitated, but it was going to be our only chance to see Asha that weekend, and we really had no money, and it had been over a month since Valentine's so I figured we weren't really going to go on a date anyway. So, my "date" with Sunday ended up being a dinner out with Easy, Asha, Sunday, Ocean, Rockstar and myself. Very romantic. (Now you say, well at least he took you out, Lemondrop. Be grateful.)

I have to admit it, I feel like a thing to him. I feel like a mop or a broom--you keep them around, and you use them, but you don't spend any extra thought or time on them. No one loves a mop or a broom. He calls me when he needs someone to pick the kids up from school, but he doesn't want or need to spend any time with me. I hate feeling like this, and I hate feeling like I can't even say anything to him, because it's not a good time/he has stress from work/he has stress in his marriage/I'm only a secondary and everything else comes first.

So today, and for the next week, I am moving into Sunday and Asha's home to take care of their kids and dogs while they're in England. I keep reminding myself that I'm doing this because I love them, and because I would want someone to do it for me if I ever had the opportunity, but it *is* triggering. I'm having to work very hard to not go into a downward spiral of anger and resentment, BUT I'm going to work hard and I'm GOING to succeed. I chose this. I could have said no and I CHOSE not to. (To be fair, when I looked at Asha and saw the hope in her eyes, I probably couldn't have said no.)

It's triggering because this is how Easy treated me for so many years. He took me for granted, just doing what he wanted to do and assuming that I would take care of the kids and responsibilities 24/7 without a break or help. I see positive changes in the last two years. I think he sees what he was doing and I think he's making an effort. He still does it, but I think he tries to stop himself. (Recently: "I'm going to go tour the beer plant all day with friends." Me: "What are you doing with the kids?" Pause. Him: "Honey, if you don't have any plans, would you mind watching the kids? I'm sorry I didn't ask sooner. I really messed up." Which is a far cry from, "I'm leaving now, don't know when I'll be back, didn't give a thought to you and the kids and family time, and I'll be rude and surly if you call to find out if I'll be home for dinner but I'll be sad and upset if you're not here when I get back.") I was part of the problem in that I allowed it to continue for so long without telling him I had a problem, and I think I'm getting better about that, too.

Easy and I are doing fairly well. I've been trying to encourage him to feel comfortable working on his relationship with Asha, though she hasn't been home much. I don't want him to hold back because he's afraid of hurting me; I wouldn't want anyone to feel like they didn't matter because of me.

I think Asha and I may be improving, actually. I mean, we've always been friends, but lately she's been flirting with me--I *think* it's flirting. People don't flirt with me, and I'm not good at it. Anyway, it gives me hope.
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