Well, there are more than a few people in this group who are experiencing or have experienced the feelings that happen when your spouse decides they want to be polyamorous. I've been actively polyamorous for a little over a year and my primary partner and I are on the same page. We realize that it's just a simple shift in thinking. It's not easy per se, but simple. Once the mental shift happens, the emotions follow.
These are the points that we believe:
1- You can not possess anyone anyway. The illusion that there is security in a relationship due to the unconsious idea that you posess your primary partner is a lie.
2- Get over the idea that you can possess anyone.
3- The idea that monogamy gives you a better chance to posses someone is also a lie.....let that go also.
4- Focus on yourself. Fear of abandonment is bad enough, but debilitating fear is a waste of energy.
5- If you can get your shit together, she will probably not leave you, but just remember- worst case scenario- For the most part, people don't usually die from being abandoned.
6- If you can give your polyamorous partner space, the possiblilty that they will choose to remain in a relationship with you also will increase.
7- Get a life that is rewarding and fulfilling for yourself. Some fear of abandonment is normal, but an out of proportion fear could be an indication of codependency.
8- Codependency is not attractive, or cool.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.