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Old 04-06-2011, 01:39 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

I guess it doesn't really matter what I call it. I just confuse myself by having these feelings. Why should I feel so excited about a dance partner (I'm 40, he's 70, I mean really!) when I have a fulfilling and exciting sex life plus the love and attention of another wonderful man?

Reading around I see one can be "emotionally polyamorous" and "sexually monogamous" so I guess I'm not the only one.

Maybe I've always thought of relationships being about meeting one's needs: instinctively, to mate and bear offspring I suppose (done that). Additionally, to feel loved, appreciated, desired, etc. (I get lots of that). Practically, to share in the work of creating a home (check). Socially, to have a partner for companionship in life (got that too). I could probably think of more needs and my husband meets all those too, and if he leaves anything out I'm sure it gets fulfilled by L. So I'm just a little amazed at the strength of what I feel when D walks into the room, and I feel my smile spread ear to ear. Is he giving me anything I didn't already get? Other than having a solid grasp of how to dance the way I like it? (But H and L dance too; I met them each that way!)

If falling in love was only about fulfilling unmet needs, then it seems polyamorous relationships would carry the implication that the first partner was somehow falling short, and I'm quite sure that's not how most poly folks see things. I want some perspective. Why do I fall in love again and again? Why is it that the happier I am with my husband, the more I fall in love with others, and vice versa? It just doesn't make sense to me!
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