Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
SORRY!!! I just read the link again and think I screwed up who crossed the boundaries... my bad
Hats of to all of you for trying to bring your group together but perhaps a more detached approach to poly should be kept in the background as an alternate plan.
Yeah, boundaries that I had established with Pretty were knowingly crossed by he and Ladybug, on impulse in a mess of NRE. We are all relatively new to poly and mistakes do happen. He hurt just as much over it as I did.
I have forgiven, and I know it won't happen again. I have requested this V meeting/date because I care very sincerely about my relationship with Pretty and I want to do everything I can to keep us close. The "detached" thing is not an option for us, me in particular. I think it will help me immensely to get to know her, and to learn to value her for the role she plays in his life. I also feel it necessary to recognize her for her, and not some sort of woman vs. woman competition, which is a notion so conditioned that even my staunchly feminist/queer lifestyle doesn't eradicate it. I have met her and like her. But I could love her for who she is to him, I know it. I want to make every effort not to demonize her, even if only in my subconscious. I feel like this is only going to come through learning more about her and possibly becoming a good friend of hers.
Originally Posted by Indigomontoya
Well my wife's boyfriend and I are friends. We have our own conversations, our own inside jokes and interests that she does not share.
The first time we met was very brief, he picked TP up from our house. Mr A came in and said hello, shook hands and TP made her way outside to her car (she was FAR more nervous than either Mr A or I) To my surprise Mr A and I close the door as a joke to play on TP's nerves. From then on out he started coming around for dinner which eventually grew into a weekly hang out for dinner at our house; we've gone to movies with TP and out for dinner... We've not been able to do that since he moved away for work and it's honestly something I've missed.
I had to get over a lot of jealousy and insecurity, but that was with guidelines that allow me to be comfortable with TP and Mr A cuddling on the couch with me there or cuddling with Mr A there. I would say that just meeting the person is not enough, you need to get to know them...It made all the difference to alleviate anxiety.
That is very inspiring, IndigoM, thanks! I want to be able to eventually embrace Pretty in Ladybug's presence, and vice-versa. That's huge for me. Such a huge part of my relationship with him is about making contact and my comfort doing that, even in public. To forfeit that when we are around her would be uncomfortable in itself, and I'm hoping that, if she wants a snuggle or embrace, that we can all get to that point.
Fingers crossed and pushing through.