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Old 04-05-2011, 02:19 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231
Default Reality check

Originally Posted by FireWater View Post
I'm also introduced to Chris, a guy they BOTH like a lot. Chris likes both Andrea and her best friend as well. Andrea told me that her and her best friend wants to ask Chris about a threesome and do what we did with our open feelings.

I said hey, that's cool, but I feel pretty shitty right now.. I mean her best friend effectively said she's down for a threesome, but just not with me. I'm not her type.

So now Andrea and I aren't really talking now. It's gotten very awkward and confusing. And I'm depressed and jealous :/ I like her a lot and my heart feels kind of sore right now. I'm trying my best to be open, but the fact that she's so much more open than I am and totally okay with it makes me feel so uneasy! I'm a student in college and I've been losing so much sleep over this and I'm not happy.
Hey Firewater,

Welcome to the reality of non-monogamy !

Glad to see you post this concern as it's a very common problem - especially in the beginning. If you are going to live this life/love style you are going to have to get past this.
So is everyone else !
Because it will continue to come up as long as everyone is open to others joining the equation.

Here's the rule..............

"Everyone is NOT into everyone" !

It's nothing personal - really. It's just how we all are made up.

As you venture out into a poly life as any kind of a pair or larger group, the chances are that someone is going to connect with someone that doesn't connect with one of you - or vica versa.
It's the rule rather than the exception !

So get used to it, expect it, learn coping skills for the times that it's YOU that is not on the wanted list. We all click with some people and not others. The odds of that click grow proportionately as the group enlarges. More people means more personalities means more chances of being odd man/woman out.

It's why V's are more common than triads, quads etc.
Nothing wrong with it as long as you expect it !

You'll be fine. In time it will be your turn to be "in" and someone else's to be "out".

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