My husband and I had a relationship with a man once. We shared. They are bi and I am pan. It was great for a time, but as with most triads it ended up a vee. Actually what ended up was that he was cheating and we didn't know it. He lied to us and her and I was heart broken. PN was not heart broken, but angry. We not only learned that triads are not for us and went out and found our own loves again, but that we will never date someone without checking with the other partners again... a bit off topic, but that was my experience with a triad.
No, I lie. We had/have another lover we shared... that also ended after a few months. He is the pivot now though, although I like to sit and watch.... oh I don't know... whatever. Stupid definitions. We just are and have sex... sometimes together and sometimes apart... we haven't seen him in 6 monthes though but have known him for 15 years. He always comes around.
Now we have lovely relationships with many people and we all are good friends/metamours. Why stop at one? PN had a male lover and dated a woman too and had me and I had Mono and Derby at the time. It was great to know we both had our needs met and were close with all of them, just on differing levels and for differing reasons.
It seems to me that to put a things in terms of "this is how it is" and "this is how it always should be" is rather short sighted. Fluidity means that things can eb and flow as time goes on and you meet people. Sure, boundaries are good. In fact, suggested. But things are never the same with other people. Every experience is different and sometimes mourning is necessary before moving on. At least this is my experience anyway. The thing is, for me anyway, is to keep an eye on the boundary and let it shift... all the while asking if everyone is okay. That way love is an open, welcoming thing and not closed to a select few who fit a criteria. Know what I mean? Or if you know what you want then there should be no worries right? Just keep looking.
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Last edited by redpepper; 04-05-2011 at 05:20 AM.