I think veto power is flat cruel.
It takes the "person" out of the "secondary role".
From the perspective of the "third" (or subsequent number):
WHY on earth would you want to date someone that you knew-even if you both fall madly in love, have a healthy, happy, loving relationship that doesn't ACTUALLY disrespect or infringe on their other relationships,
their other lover could "terminate" your relationship at will?
Nope. Wouldn't do it.
In a healthy relationship (hell even in many unhealthy relationships) there SHOULD be the ability to say "honey, that person is smoking crack on the weekends, they just aren't an appropriate fit for you".
Having the where with all in ourselves to say "you know what honey, as much as I WANT a relationship, you're right. I don't want that kind of b.s. in my life either."
But, that's not veto power, that's communicating honestly and openly.
At the point where someone ELSE has the right to decide if a relationship is or isn't important enough to me, for me to keep it... we're no longer in a relationship, we're in a dictatorship.
(no, I didn't feel that way when we first started poly-but it became quite clear to me after reading all the horror stories and encountering a few "I'm not so sure" moments myself. I figured out pretty quick that I don't need veto power-I just need to know I can express my concerns and Maca will listen.)
"Love As Thou Wilt"