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Old 04-04-2011, 08:04 PM
habitat habitat is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 20
Cool Hanging out with his other partner / my metamour

So, my committed parter of seven months, Pretty (male, genderqueer), has agreed to ask his newer partner of four weeks, Ladybug (female, hetero, mono-comfy), if she'd like to go on a coffee "date" all together next week. They've been friends for a while, and I met her and spent time with them in a group right before they started dating. I like her and respect her immensely. They have very strong feelings for each other.

It's been rough the past month or so, since Pretty and Ladybug began dating. Boundaries were crossed on the Pretty/Ladybug end, feelings were hurt, guilt ensued, tears tears tears. Besides that, Ladybug is having a hard time with poly in general and often leaves intoxicated voicemails/texts for Pretty, late at night, seeming devastated and saying that she "can't do this". In the morning, she's usually embarrassed and ready to talk, but this has all been tough on Pretty and therefore, tough on me.

I've been doing a lot of research and a lot of reading on this forum and others. This has been an amazing find for me. I am a good communicator and have been talking, talking, talking. I think Pretty is a tad overwhelmed with all the work we're doing to keep our relationship healthy and get through the rough patches, but we are definitely seeing the benefits.

I'm pleased because I just met Pretty's family (mom, aunt, brothers) for the first time, which is huge for me. We got along swimmingly. Pretty and I are doing well at creating intimacy, even though time alone is becoming harder to come by. We also just established a fluid bond, a huge relief to my safety-concious brain (yay for oral sex and fluids!). He's also quit smoking again (Ladybug smokes, so he easily picked it back up when stuff got stressful), which I think will be a big help in a few more weeks, as his cravings can be all-consuming and often get in the way of conversation, when he's smoking and has recently quit.

Anyways, I am still working on some (now) milder feelings of jealousy. This helped me a lot when I wasn't sure what to do next. I want to establish a friendly relationship with Ladybug, and I want her to meet any new partners that may come into our lives. I want to see both of them together, and get comfortable with that. Pretty said he would talk to her about the three of us sitting down for coffee together for the first time as a V.

I am excited but apprehensive about this. I do not want to seem possessive or territorial. I am very physical. Pretty and I don't really open-mouth kiss or start necking in public due to his own discomforts (I wouldn't mind a bit), but we peck and I do tend to naturally lean into him and reach out for his hand a lot, etc... and he reciprocates and often initiates it himself. I think I've decided that this behavior would be less-than-appropriate for our first hang-out sesh together, based on the fact that she's expressing that the whole idea is a challenge to her.

I'm not sure that I'm ready to see them being uber-physical, so does that mean that I turn it all off in myself, too?

Can anyone relay their experiences with hanging out with metmours for the first time? Particularly ones who aren't necessarily poly-identified and are a bit jealous? Any advice or musings would help!

Thanks and appreciation

Last edited by habitat; 04-04-2011 at 08:09 PM.
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