Originally Posted by JameeDee
I want her in my life. I want her in hubby's life, but not unless I'm there. Is that unrealistic?
Maybe yes. What I mean is that they might want to have time alone to develop their relationship in a stress-free environment. Having to constantly check if you are feeling uncomfortable or left out creates stress and maybe leads to further arguments in their interactions.
What surprised me was how you were so sure you can't do this ever after giving it a very short time to even develop into any sort of relationship. You don't have to accept jealousy and fear of abandonment as immutable facts of you emotional existence now and forever. Start working with and addressing those issues, for yourself, not just to allow this triad to continue. There is help available for that kind of work on yourself you must do. Don't lose heart.