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Old 04-04-2011, 10:42 AM
zusammen zusammen is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 12
Unhappy Labels -- I HATE them! Advice?

Hi all. New here, and fairly new to polyamoury. Please bear with my rambling... as you'll see, I'm not very good at putting my thoughts on this subject into words....

Anyway, I recently met someone with whom I have a great connection. I've been seeing him, sort of hoping "the" conversation would just bring itself up, but that wasn't happening and I was beginning to feel it needed to be brought up sooner rather than later. I had absolutely no idea how to broach the subject of my being polyamorous, so I got rather drunk first This helped me "break the ice", but just made it that much harder to express myself succinctly...

So he got that I'm polyamorous, but probably not much about what exactly that means to me, and I'm pretty sure I didn't make it at all clear that I have a "boyfriend" already - and that I am, in fact, (temporarily) living with him. Now that's another conversation that I do not look forward to having

The problem is, I just don't know how to explain myself to people. I am resistant to using labels, (such as "polyamorous" and "boyfriend") because they already carry connotations that I don't necessarily feel apply to me. Avoiding these terms really makes discussions difficult, and generally each of these topics requires so much clarification that I don't get around to discussing both in one sitting...

I also don't know whether it's best to explain my situation in terms of the philosophy behind it, or the reality of it, or what. It all makes sense in my head, but it's thoughts and feelings that I just don't know how to convey accurately to anyone else -- nor in what order...

I guess also it just annoys me that people carry around assumptions - that if you hook up with someone, and they're obviously interested in more than a one-night stand, that it's supposed to become monogamous, exclusive, committed. I don't make these assumptions, so if I'm not asking, it means I don't really care. So I find it kind of difficult that I have to bring the subject up, when I'm the one that is flexible about what the situation is. I either like it or I don't, and if I'm curious or bothered, I'll ask. If I'm not asked outright, or it doesn't just kind of come up in conversation, I'm at a complete loss how to bring it up at all... I'd honestly prefer not to mention it, except this kind of thing seems to matter to other people quite a bit

Sorry for all the rambling. I'm really just wondering if other people have this kind of difficulty? How do some of you bring this up with potential new..... um.... "friends"? Does anyone have one simple statement that can just sum everything up????

Aggghhh!! :S
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