I appreciate your thoughts, advice and concerns.
Thank you pollynrrdgrrl, redpepper, nycindie, and tonberry. Your compassion and willingness to help all of us struggling newbies is truly remarkable. Thank you for being straightforward. Over the last... wow... Almost year now since I stumbled onto this incredible comunity I know you all have helped me survive when it felt like my guts were being twisted in knots and everything I thought about love and relationships was being chalanged. You all have lovingly helped me realize there is a different way of being, different and chalanging, but it may just be that all of my cultural influences are finally being chalanged in a way that is more to my nature, not my nurture.
I thank you for that.
As far as your concerns about 'C' I acknowlege them and she may not change. However I want her to be happy and plan to do everthing I can to help her realize there is a better way of being in being true to herself and the people she cares about.
I was asked how my SO, M, feels about this. When we found out C's so didn't know it was a big red flag for her as well. She feels, as I do that it's not fair at all for S. If I leave C I don't think that would change her ways. If I stay in the relationship I may be able to show her a different path. I don't know S but nobody should have to endure the kind of pain cheating and deception causes. I know C cares for him and does not want to loose him but issues in her past have lead her to "protect" herself. I'm trying to show her a different way of being that ultimatley may give her what she needs in her life to be complete. To share herself with more than one person openly and honestly, that's the only way to be truly accepted as she is. I'm trying to show her that being honest and open, to disclose her need to share her life will open the possibility for the acceptance she so desires. I don't think she will find this on her own, and S won't have a chance in hell to have the relationship he thinks he has.
That's why Im asking for advice in how to help C 'see' a different way of being.