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Old 04-03-2011, 08:11 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I am glad you mentioned your age. I thought you must be young, because you use the terms "boy" and "girl," although you write well and give the impression of being a mature thinker (Sidebar: It's a pet peeve of mine, though. If you're sexually involved with others, start thinking of yourselves as men and women. It helps in terms of developing maturity in a relationship to stop referring to the parties involved as children). Anyway...

If you want a very good source to read about poly relationships, check out Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. Sex at Dawn is about the anthropological study of relationships, so is focused on more of the background in humanity behind polyamory -- BUT but Opening Up is really like a poly user manual, and is written very clearly. It addresses many of the issues that come up and shares experiences of real poly peeps.

About your other questions, just because this relationship has the added twist of your guy being polyamorous, does not mean that you need always to defer to his other relationship(s) in order to ask for what you need. Being a "secondary" does not mean you are a second class citizen, so to speak. You still deserve respect and caring and to ask for what you need. Of course, it is quite reasonable to inquire about a schedule.

And I wouldn't worry about what he's going to tell his parents about having two girlfriends, either. First of all, that's his problem, not yours. AND it's really more expected for a young man in his early 20s to have more than one romantic interest; most older folks (and I speak as someone over twice your age) wouldn't really question that for someone who is really just at a point in life where relationships are a new aspect of life. In fact, I would think it more odd to see someone "settle down" that young. If it were you who came home and said you had two boyfriends, that might be met with a somewhat different attitude, as parents are usually more protective of their daughters.

I think if you read Opening Up, a lot more things will make sense to you. Plus, keep coming here and asking questions. Welcome!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 04-03-2011 at 08:14 PM.
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