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Old 04-03-2011, 02:49 PM
BlueWithEnvy BlueWithEnvy is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
Posts: 12
Default Air Force Perspective

I've been lurking around these forums for a couple of weeks now and I have been trying to keep from posting, however your post intrigued me and compelled me to post in regards to the questions you've asked.

1) It never gets easy. My wife and I are both in the Air Force and we have gone on back to back deployments for the past two years. I deployed, came back for a couple months, then she deployed for 6 months, came back for 3 months, and here I am, in Iraq again, deployed again. There are times where I can't tell her what is going on, and there are times where I cant even get to a computer or anything to contact her and just let her know that my love for her grows stronger every day. The only thing that helps with this is knowing that regardless of whether they are dead or alive, that they are doing it because they care and because they love you. I see that you are listed from Finland, and while you might not be in the U.S., it still applies as these attacks are world-wide in terms of what I believe we are trying to prevent.

2) This question is valid and to be completely honest, after this deployment, I am considering asking for early-out of the military. I have devoted 8 years of my life to this and I have had about enough of it. Constantly being away from family and friends, even being on this deployment I have missed out on several months of my precious wife's life that I will never get back. I dont care if it does mean a pay cut and a possible long wait for a job, I want to be there with her. However, the one thing that is preventing me from getting out, is the current state of the economy and the harships that could follow me getting out of the military and the lack of income is rather scary. I have always been financially responsible and to this day, I have zero debt other than my house. That is a lot to say for someone that has been on their own since 18, and I am now 25. Not tooting my own horn, but I know several others that went straight to college after High School and are now in debt city, with a bachelors degree, and are working at Vons back at home.

What may be an insecurity to you, could be one of the world's largest fears for the person that is in the military. Take me for example, I have no knowledge of anything else in my Adult life other than the Military. In my situation, the known > unknown. However, my wants and desires to be with my wife and be a major part of her life, outweigh my fears and I will likely act on it when I get home.

3) My wife and I are now talking about Polyamory and possibly introducing a third to our relationship {her amazingly gorgeous and caring, loving, dead honest to the point of where you want to slap yourself for her being that honest, best friend}. However, we have to work on ourselves first. These deployments have put us apart from eachother for a long period of time. We have no doubt grown a bit apart. While we still love eachother very much, we have grown as individuals in opposite directions rather than together. I would suggest that you give them time, and make yourself available to them whenever they have time. As you are the secondary, just be supportive. Let them know that you are there for them if they need you, but make sure that your needs are met as well. If they aren't able to meet them, I would suggest backing off and taking more of a friend role than a third in the triad.

Hope this helps at least a little bit. Please, ask any questions that you will and I will be sure to be as honest as I can from my perspective as the male in the situation.

Staying at home is always harder than actually deploying, I can guarantee you that one
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