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Old 05-05-2009, 10:29 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,910

Originally Posted by newgirl View Post
....we communicate wonderfully.

.... I did have a habit of anouncing to previous monogamous partners that I wanted to date someone else while continuing to see them. And it always went terribly wrong. Because ... I didn't really give them an option, I guess.
It's important that you know that what I'm about to say isn't meant as an attack, or an attempt to evoke guilt or shame. Rather, this is delivered as an opportunity to explore self-honestly about past relationship tendencies.

You got married to a man with full knowledge that you wanted to live polyamorously, yet this husband wasn't aware of this fact until seven years later when you suddenly sprang it on him that you have a crush on someone else, with whom you'd also like to explore a loverly relationship.... Maybe you have good communication with your husband now, but you didn't have it before you and your hubby married. You were well aware of your polyamorous desires, and have had previous relationships where things went "terribly wrong" when you let your secret out of the bag.

Were I your husband, I'd really want an apology for your failure to communicate a crucial bit of information about who you are and what you want--a bit of information which affects him significantly in his relationship with you.

Polyamorous desires are not wrong, not bad, and no reason to reject a person's love. Perhaps you feared he would reject you if you had told him about your polyamorous inclinations prior to the marriage? That can be forgiven -- but I do think a heartfelt apology from you will enhance your chances of healing whatever hurt he may legitimatly have.

Last edited by River; 05-05-2009 at 10:32 PM.
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