Originally Posted by Tonberry
In cases like that, I think you need to look at the way he treats you, and see for yourself. You can usually tell when someone cares about you by the way they act with you, whether they have another partner or not. I think for polyamory to work, you need to be able to be comforted by your relationship with him regardless of outside relationship, seeing it as its own thing without constantly trying to compare or wonder if he does this or that with her too, for instance.
Thanks, those are really good points. Like I said, when our surprise initial encounter happened, I was terrified she'd take precedent. For the first few minutes, he kind of hung back and watched us interact. I think it was all very thrilling for him. Then she sort of went about microwaving something and chatting, and he came and stood beside me. I think people's physical positioning is really indicative of how they feel. It meant a lot that he'd stand next to me. She, too, was very apologetic that she'd interrupted our time together. After wards, he walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye. He's also very good at ignoring his cell phone when we're together. Us time really feels like us time, and I want to be respectful of their time as well. So I suppose the conversation about when we can expect to make time together is important and should happen.
I feel the need sometimes to take a step back, like because I'm new I don't have the right to bring these things up, like I'm assuming I have a place amongst them. But, as I mentioned, she and I get along well. She's accepted me. And I'm confident in his feeling for me. I have no real reason not to be. Every fear I seem to have is a projection from either my last relationship or my expectations of what a relationship "should be" as informed by the majority of society. I guess the transition part can be hard, harder than my excitement has allowed me to anticipate.