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Old 04-02-2011, 09:59 PM
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Tridion Tridion is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1
Question In need of advice

Hello all. I've been reading a lot of your board here and have wanted to post, but I haven't really known what it was that I wanted to ask until now.

About 8 years ago, high school for me, I started dating this girl. I'll call her K. We fell in love, and got engaged and all that. K eventually ended things however, due to a mixture (as we now know) of her needing to find both her identity as bisexual, as well as poly. K and I stopped talking for a while after that, drifting apart as people do. However, 3 years or so ago we began talking again. We both were very happy about that.

Anyways, I was in a very long term mono relationship until about 2 years ago. K and I started discussing my coming to see her then. She was, and still is, in a very open poly relationship with her, now, fiance. It was assumed that anything that happened between us would be casual however, being as I've always identified as mono myself. It wasn't until a month ago that I was finally able to make the trip. We had a blast, needless to say. We always did, and this trip was no different.

This, however, is where things get complicated. All through the trip we spent a good deal of time together. It felt very natural. Very much, in fact, like it did when we dated. Then she told me she was still in love with me. It was a difficult thing for her to say, she cried in fact. Her automatic assumption being that I wouldn't be able to handle her situation. I was shocked, I'll admit...but not appalled. I promised I would think about it, being as my feelings have never really changed for her either I didn't want to just overlook or pass off something like this.

So my questions start there. Is this a bad idea? I've always assumed I was mono, without really questioning it. I've since had a lot of time to think about what it would mean to be poly. I wouldn't want to be just with her after all, I would be a secondary relationship. I'd be looking at a day a week just us, a date night a week, some hang out time every now and then. This sounds acceptable, but wouldn't meet my relationship needs (thus my consideration of transition, rather than staying mono with a poly partner).

I can admit that the premise speaks to me. I understand where poly people are coming from, and I don't think jealousy would really be all that much of a problem for me. But this is all so sudden, and as a result I am having trouble processing it in my mind. Ultimately, I'm looking for things to be aware of. Perhaps, some questions that I might want to ask K.

Sorry that was so rambley, and thank you for your time
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