Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Hi, I'd like to chime in.
I want to go back to what you said about your earlier life. You had 12 sexual relationships, but weren't gratified. Until the 12th one, with your current partner. You also mentioned having Aspergers. One of the possible ways Aspergers can manifest is in missing social cues, and another is in taking a large interest in some topics or hobbies, to the point of rigidity or seeming obsession. (My gf's nephew is obsessed with electric fans, a nephew of mine with making paper cut out dolls. My dad is obsessed with NASCAR, etc., etc.)
So... for whatever reason, no woman satisfied you sexually until you met your fiancee. I am thinking she is highly sexual, and this brought out your reluctant libido...
Maybe *she* isnt satisfied with *your* lukewarm libido, and needs a more highly sexual partner. IMO (sorry Cindie), trips to poly fertility festivals occasionally, such as Beltane (yeehah!), or role playing networks like SCAA could work to give her a hit of sexy fun time in the midst of feeling like a hardworking drudge (I've been a stay at home mom, I know).
As far as dating, we've had threads here on how women do get hit on more, but so many men are unsuitable, we may be able to find a short term sexy dating partner, but finding real love is just as hard for us as it is for men.
If you are working and at school most of the week, are you able to meet her need to feel sexy, young and desirable, or is that a stretch for you? How does your Asperger's condition affect the relationship, if it does?
Ok, I know that wasn't meant to be spikey, and was said with the best of intentions. Thank you ^^ As someone with aspergers (though I will say this now, it is very mild. I don't have obsessions, and I catch most social ques now due to intense study) I readily accept constructive criticism. As for it affecting our relationship, it doesn't in terms of us. It does in fact make some difference socially, but not with her, as she seems to identify with it in a way. As for making her feel young and sexy, I'm not really sure I am fit to answer that. However, I will say that my "reluctant" libido is not something that causes me to not pursue her. In fact, it is quite the opposite. While I don't need it, and have never felt like I need it (meaning I have gone 3 years with having absolutely no desire to fulfill any sexual actions) I do readily accept it, and more often than she currently wants to, I do initiate and try my best to make her feel young, sexy and desirable. I tell her consistently how beautiful she is, both physically and emotionally, and her friends tell me constantly (some of them poly who are hinting at something) how wonderful I make her feel sexually, how much I take foreplay into account, etc. etc.
That being said, I don't actually know. She could be saying it to make me feel good, or her friends could be lying. I believe I'm doing a good enough job, but again, she would be the only one who would know.
Thank you for your post!