Originally Posted by Tonberry
But if you're mono, then being poly is NOT a benefit to you. It might make things worse for you, in any case won't help, and would hurt another woman. Right now I'm wondering if you're not trying to get some revenge or some thing. A kind of "you're hurting me? Well I'll do the same thing, see how you like it!". Except it's probable it won't hurt her the way it hurts you since she's not mono.
I've heard of plenty of mono/poly relationships, but I haven't heard of a mono being poly because he's with a poly. It sounds like a recipe for disaster, really.
You think there are no benefits to you staying with her? (Because she's made up your mind, she's poly and is going to live it, so that's really your choice: either you stay, or you go). There are advantages to your staying. Being with a woman you love. Being with your baby.
There are advantages to her being poly. That means you don't have to carry the financial burden on your own (provided she finds another stable relationship, I guess). That means help caring for your child. Just like you can care for the child while she's out on a date with her boyfriend, her boyfriend can care for the child while she's out on a date with you.
You can see her happy instead of miserable.
If none of these make up for the sacrifices you feel you have to make, then by all means, don't stay. But please don't drag someone else into this just because you want as big a piece of cake as your wife, even though you don't even like cake.
Ok. I'm getting mildly tired of saying this. I WON'T, I repeat, WON'T get into a relationship until I find someone that I feel a real connection with. That means that I won't date until I actually FIND that connection. I'm not going to do something like jump into a relationship out of spite. I have too much respect for the other person. I've had the opportunity. Believe me. However, I have always said no because I either don't feel a connection, don't find them interesting, or don't find them physically attractive. Without all three of those, I won't enter into a relationship. Imagine, if I were to date someone I found attractive physically and emotionally, but couldn't have a conversation with. How would I tell them that? What about someone physically and mentally attractive? How would I tell them that I wasn't feeling a connection? And last but not least, what if they were emotionally and mentally attractive, but not physically attractive. I certainly wouldn't be the one to say when they want to take our relationship to a physical level "No, so, I don't want to because...."
I simply will not be that person. Never have been that person, and never will. But I'm also not going to be monogamous while she is poly. It would break my brain in ways I can't really describe. However, I make this promise now, I will not date someone until our relationship is better, and I won't date someone until I feel a REAL connection.