Originally Posted by redpepper
So he is excited about the possibilities that could occur out of this yet he thinks he is more mono than those here because they are with polys? That makes no sense to me. Wouldn't it be that the monos here are more so because they have had their mononess challenged and know for sure due to the struggles they have been through?
I think he was excited at the very beginning before it got too real for him and he got scared. I think he just felt liberated initially, really. And that's great. I hope we can get back there someday.
As for the mono business, I'm confused by what he means as much as you are. I think he is just as confused, as well. On the one hand, he completely agrees with this lifestyle, but he has thus far self-identified as completely mono, and he is definitely struggling with that fact. He just doesn't know how a mono and poly person could be together. He is having a hard time facing his pain, for sure. He has been very focused on the broader aspects of this whole 'conundrum' rather than taking a good hard look at what the deeper issues must be. That's ok. I know in time it will come. I just wish I could help him out and ease his demons.
In addition, he is worried he won't be able to accept how I'm feeling towards my bf with regards to a sexual relationship. I'm aware this will change down the road, in some way at least. I've encouraged him to come to the boards because I think he will identify with many other people here. I will continue to do so, but I feel and understand his skepticism. Time, love and compassion will heal wounds, certainly.
And you're right. I cherish what I have with him. He has been sweet and as understanding as possible in this process given the circumstances.
Thanks to the others who also replied. I appreciate your perspectives and your willingness to read that very long story.