For only 23 you are very insightful.
I think it will help mostly to keep reading on the forum, to see that you are not alone, nor is your husband, and that there ARE success stories. Maybe I'm trying to convince myself, but my poly life is going really great right now! And my husband went through a lot of what yours is going through.
I fell in love with an additional man, then we discovered polyamory. It was the only way to make sense of my heart's desire. The best thing was when my husband grew in friendship with my boyfriend. (They are my real-life Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid!) Now I feel we are a real triad -- sexually we are a V (both men are straight), but it is definitely a 3-way love.
Keep reading, keep loving, keep thinking creatively, you'll make your way. Welcome