Originally Posted by nycindie
So, you require her to be there seven nights a week, is that it? After a full day's work as a homemaker and mother? Bit of a dictatorship, no?
Yes, I too found this part of your complaint unreasonable, and also wonder if fostering animals and fucking around at Pennsic will really help her. Why not a committed secondary bf for her, who also cares about her as much as you do? Instead of an "outlet" of random sex with whomever she meets at an event? Wouldn't that be a more loving thing for you to be okay with? Wouldn't it be best for your daughter if you both had such stability?
Ok, to answer the first part of your question, no it is not a dictatorship. She decided to be a homemaker, and we share that responsibility as best we can. My schedule is full to the brim, as I go to school during the day, and work until 5 a.m. in the morning at nights to pay our bills. The two days off I get a week, are in fact, times I want to spend with my wife. I do not force her to do so.
Fostering animals will help her express her NRE by allowing her to connect in different ways with different things. She thrives on the connection, something to dote on. She has told me that it has helped before, that getting a new animal has given her the same satisfaction of novelty without the inherent negatives that bother me in poly. As for the "fucking" at Pennsic, her idea entirely. She feels that by getting the emotional connection she needs through animals and other new connections, she can express her physical needs for novelty through, as she called them "Casual flings in an environment where it is understood." She reached this conclusion because, and again, her words not mine, she knows now that her exploration of other relationships, whether I accept it or not, will always be difficult for me. And just as I cannot, in good conscience, keep her from being what she naturally is (poly) she cannot without feeling an immense guilt that would ruin the NRE she was receiving have other relationships in our day-to-day lives. She said that she was afraid of overstepping those boundaries one too many times, and that she wasn't willing to risk our marriage, and wanted to find other outlets.
I find this completely A. Logical, and B. reasonable.
Also, homemaker she is not. Mother she is. I am the cook 7 days a week, and I cook her meals and freeze them. Our roomate does most of the cleaning as well. Currently, her only real contribution is in fact being a mother. And to me, that's the biggest contribution any of us could ever make. I know I couldn't breastfeed our baby 8 times a day. I believe there are 4 kinds of mothers out there. Women who are bad mothers. Women who are good mothers. Women who are great mothers. And last but not least, women who were born to be mothers. My fiancee is one of the last group. She is without a doubt the most caring, attentive, and emotionally intelligent mothers I have ever seen. I might be bias here, but no one will ever convince me of that :P