some time away..continued
Dear M, dear H
Im not happy about it, and i wish things were very different, but i think we need to take a break from seeing each other. The way i see things, and please let me know if you feel differently, I think you need to seriously recommit yourselves to each other, or to whatever solution you find, before making any kind of new commitment (small as it may be) to anyone else. I'm here for you if ever you need to talk or anything, and i'll still be here in a few months time, so theres no need to cause undue strain on your relationship by having me around all the time right now. for now im thinking we could maybe get together in about a month (supper before the metal show?) and see how things are going, and see if more time is needed.
WHEN this time apart has been taken:
If we are to continue a friendship in any form, some things need to be made clear. I think there is a massive communication problem present here, between you and me, and between the two of you. as trite and silly as it seems, for any contact between us to be possible, i need actual, (possibly written down:P),specific descriptions of the boundaries we are all expecting one another to respect (this would include boundaries to be respected if we decide to have a platonic friendship). im not taking some easy way out, saying 'you guys write up all the rules and i will follow them' (though if thats what you want thats what i'll do) what im doing is proposing that we openly, honestly, and WITHOUT JUDGEMENT discuss together what each person is comfortable with. and to check in regularly, at first i think weekly, to see if everyone is still comfortable.
at this point, its impossible for me to have a casual sexual relationship with either of you. there is nothing casual about the way i love you, and to be treated like a temporary plaything, though lots of fun in general, would be too painful for me in this situation. im not asking you to completely restructure your relationship and your lives, but if we are to start being intimate together again, i need you to understand that i will have certain expectations related to the amount of time we spend together, and the consideration thats given to me. i would not want to be an equal part of your relationship (unless that was what you wanted) but i will need to be kept informed of events and feelings that will affect me.
So thats also something for you to think about: with your busy work schedule, and the stresses you already have, do you have the time and emotional resources to spare to a third person? do you really want to complicate your lives in this way?
in the event that the answer to those questions is 'no, we dont', please rest assured that after i have healed for a while, i would very much want to stay your purely platonic friend as long as you would have me. im not stepping out of your lives for good, unless you want me to. im just in need of some stability, so i need to know where i stand before i invest myself further.
I care so much for you, both as individuals, and as the unit you form. i dont know how else to help you through this difficult time than by giving you much belated time to yourselves, if you have any other ideas, please share them with me.
I really hope to keep you both in my life, in whatever fashion you choose, whether you are together or apart. i hope you think that would be possible.
i know this is just another lovely little drop of drama in the already-overflowing vase,
i didnt WANT to write a novel about it, but i didnt want to just disappear without a word either.
Let me know what you think,
Thank you again everyone, im feelling pretty isolated right now, and reading and writing on the forum has really helped me feel less alone.