This is swinging turned poly it sounds like... the thing is that no one seemed to know what the hell was going on when "love" came into it... it sounds like whatever the wife's initial was.. sorry... found love with another and decided she had enough of swinging and didn't want to be fucking with people she didn't love any more.... a very frequent move for most people who go from swinging to poly.
Should you of seen it coming? Not necessarily. No one really knew anything about the "love" part, just the fucking part. It's my belief that sex is far more deeply routed in connection and therefore the possibility of love than most people either stop to realize, or bother to investigate... but that is just me.
I can see that as a swinger you would want to play together... in loving relationships that is quite often a starting place, but then moves into individual sex together, sometimes with occasional threesomes and more. It sounds like they were trying to get you up to speed with more traditional poly and you were still stuck in swinger land. It sounds like they got frustrated and a battle started and ended with all of you saying forget is.
I suggest you educate yourself about poly and see if it is a better situation for you to be in and give it some time... then approach them again and see where you are at, with knowledge behind you... no better place to start learning than here. Do a tag search for what interests you and get busy. Stay in touch if you want, we are all happy to answer questions.
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