I have been a lurker here for a while. I'm coming out to reply to this post because it is similar to a situation that I have been in once. I applaud the honesty that I am reading here! It makes me excited to participate in this discussion. I think that I have some good advice to give here. About me = I used to be a mono. I was poly for some time after that. Now I'm back to mono.
lookatmues - you said in your introduction that you have known polynrdgrl for a little over a month. Dude, you need to keep your emotions in check. Be logical about this. Is it not entirely possible that the feelings that you are having are so strong because she's not as available to you as you would like? I think that is exactly the reason why you feel as strongly as you do. I have been there. I was where you are today. You are building her up in your mind into something that she is not. She MAY not be right for you. I am not saying that she is NOT right for you. Just try to get a grip man. You cannot love someone that you do not know. It is not true love. You are in love with your own fantasies. There are many fish in the sea my brother. I am not saying that you should toss this one back yet. Just consider it for a while. Tell yourself that you do not need her. You really don't. That is a fact. Just considering this fact for a while will bring you back to reality and you should be able to cope with things better. Stop taking this relationship so seriously because it is really too soon to take it so seriously. So think about that. She has control over you right now and she will use it to her advantage whether she means to or not. Either way it is not good for you. Do what I said and tell yourself you do not need her. You will feel better in a week.
polynrdgrl - I do not like what you are doing here. You have the upper hand in this relationship and I do not think that you are being fair to lookatmues. Should this really be lookatmues introduction to polyamory? You fail. You have more experience with this type of relationship but you still seem very lost. You talk about all of your failed relationships and bad patterns but you still engage in the same behavior that has always failed you. You are leading lookatmues on. The guy is a wreck. You don't seem to know what you want. Sorry to seem harsh but you should re evaluate everything that you are doing here. This is really serious business. Stop fucking with this guy's head and get your own head checked out. I would not be so blunt but the emotions are running high here.