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Old 04-01-2011, 05:04 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

I am interested to know what "its all up to you" means from people you have talked to about this.. what is all up to you?

She has a 9 month old. I didn't get horny again until my boy was three. Now he is seven and I have sex pretty much daily. If anything it increased. Results may vary.

NRE junkies are a difficult lot. I would wonder if there is more behind this than is evident. Has she looked into what is going on for her? Done some work on herself? Poly is not about dating man after man after man usually, with consent from a more permanent partner. That is more of an open relationship. I don't know too much about that actually. It isn't poly to me and I know quite a bit about that. To me there is something concerning about dating a whole bunch of guys with the intent to just have NRE with them. It seems unfair to them somehow. Deceitful and disrespectful. Is she aware that she does this? Or is there some kind of goal here?

If I were you I would set up a schedule whereby she goes out one night or two out of the week, and you go out one night or two of the week and then the two of you go out together one or two nights of the week. The rest is family time... of course numbers may vary, but the idea is that there is a consistent routine to follow.

It should be easy if you have a baby to adjust to this as babies are all about routine. In this way you can do what you want to do in life and so can she. She chooses to go on dates, and you may choose to join a bowling league or something. It's up to you. The point is to not sit around at home thinking about this and to get about the business of having an active life.

My husband decided to better himself and he has... I have been with my boyfriend for two years and he now lives with us. The best thing that my husband did for himself and all of us, was to go and figure out what he wants out of life, rather than believing he had to be with me all the time and waiting for me all the time. We raise our boy to be independent also. He thinks independently and we have taught him to talk for himself about his needs. He is a strong independent thinker that knows what he wants (of course his age is a part of that two ) Good lesson for a kid I think, better than the one he was being taught which is that men should stay at home and mope while their partners are out living life. He is learning something very valuable in our poly family... belonging, yet being independent.

Please don't find a girlfriend. Bringing some unsuspecting person into a relationship that isn't functioning well is unfair and cruel. She may fall for you and then have to deal with all the issues that you come along with. I suggest sorting it all out first and then, if you are interested, find another love. It could just be that once you have figured this out you are single or so much on your game with your partner that it is not necessary to work it all out. If you are in fact mono that is

I would suggest doing a tag search on here for "lessons" and "foundations" They are excellent threads under those tags for people that are new to all this and struggling to figure out their groove. Lots of advice from seasoned veterans... or people that have their shit together more than others.
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