How do you tell your partner you want to be polly?
I am in a "V" poly relationship with my so and with a longtime friend that became friends and more, then even more (meaning love feelings.... happened). Everything was very good for the most part except my friend has a boyfriend (S) who does not know about me. I am divorced because I was deceitful with my former wife about my desire to be in "polly" relationships. I cheated, it was wrong, it was dishonest, it hurt her deeply and I truly regret not being honest. She hates me now and I vowed I would never be deceitful again.
Anyway, my "girlfriend" (C) does not want to tell S for fear of 'hurting him'... I know it does not make sense. His former wife left him for another woman and it devastated him. I havenít met him and blindly thought he knew about me. When C and I became intimate, after a few weeks, I told her how cool it was that we all had special relationships outside of our "primary loves". Thatís when she told me that S didnít know that she and I were intimate. He knows C and I "socialize" and she has many guy friends. Once I found out S didnít know I told her I could not be part of that deception again, and asked her to please tell him. Iím not "holding out", but I told C that if S does not know than I couldnít be intimate (no physical contact) with her. We still socialize and I really love being around her and her great kids but we both ache for the physical aspect. Maybe Iím kidding myself that Iím not doing anything wrong if Iím not having sex with her...
Question is, How can I help her bring "us" up to S? C is not a very good communicator and "just goes with the flow" and never questions things. I have a NEED to understand and be understood and I canít stand the thought of S not knowing. C and I donít see eye to eye on this at all. C said she would try and look for an opportunity to bring up the subject but does not think she can "go through with it". Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.