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Old 03-31-2011, 10:07 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
Here is the catch. I love this woman more than anything. I am naturally monogamous. I could spend my whole life with one woman and be very happy, and am not only hesitant to make new connections, but actually have trouble doing so...
So am I reading it right that you have tried dating other women, and have found that it brings absolutely no enjoyment to you? Who made the decision for you to start trying to see other girls?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
For a while, she saw that her thriving on the NRE of others hurt me, and not through completely unfounded jealousy, but through errors in judgment on her part, breeches of established comfort ability and understanding of boundaries.
NRE can be a bitch. Is her polystyle something of a constant dating, with frequent sexual connections with a number of very different people? I can see how that is an especially bad match for a poly/mono relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
Added to this was the fact that after she had the baby, her libido (which could strangle three very active men and leave them crying for help. Ever heard the old Irish drinking song "The Widow" Look it up, lol) dropped off the face of the planet, and even 9 months later, still has. I've received several pieces of advice on this, most polarized views, about how us being monogamous may be choking her libido, and a couple saying that the NRE may have just fizzled out, and that a baby will do that.
What does she feel is the reason behind this? Does it bother her? If she weren't in postpartum, I'd suggest reviewing the birth control you guys use, but that probably isn't it in this case.


Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
Aside from the shattering connotations of this particular statement, chief among them to a monogamous man being the insecurity of the fact that, after sacrificing all of his freedoms to be with this woman as well, he is not enough for her...
Ah, it's not about being enough. These are not give and take situations. There is nothing you are doing wrong or could be doing better. This is who she is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
So here is my problem, and what I need help on. How can I
A. overcome my jealousy when it is actually founded on empirical evidence
Talk to her. She is an NRE junkie who forgets all about boundaries and agreements and just does what the heck she wants with whichever new partner has stricken her fancy? That's not okay.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
B. believe her when she says that monogamy is the way she sees is best
You need to respect her enough to believe what she says is true. She might be actually saying this is what she wants to be the best thing, but that's on her, not on you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
C. not feel like I'm wearing the same mask if we are poly
What was the single biggest disappointment you had when she was still dating? Boundary-breaking? Is there any possible poly future which you could see working for you? A triad, a poly-fi vee, a quad, what have you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
D. find poly women who are interesting in a community where nobody wants to openly say they are poly
No local poly groups in your area? Internet-dating? Why do you still want to pursue other relationships if you are convinced mono is what you are?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
E. not let this effect our daughter.
Try to time the date-nights so that you have something meaningful to do other than fret about and have somebody babysit your baby girl?

Is the real problem her being poly, or her being irresponsible poly lost in NRE?

Oh, and welcome.
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