Originally Posted by nycindie
If I were you two, I'd leave her alone for a while. That big long letter was a bit much, IMHO. And I am someone who has written letters like that and realized that they tend to be overkill, or rub salt in the wound, or add drama to a situation. Be with your feelings of loss, examine them, and give yourselves some time before jumping into something with a third again. You don't need to "replace" her right away.
I agree, and I have been ok with stepping back. I
thought we should have given her space after we had our group talk that ended it, and new that over time I could still have a friendship with her and it would not have been odd.
Then I saw how badly kris was handling it, and I started to wonder... All she had asked for was alone time with him, and I had been selfish, and afraid to allow that. I KNEW it would cut me out of something I wanted to share with her too. I had not really thought out my response on that issue and been able to weigh all options before I answered to that. Then after it was all said and done, I was able to clear my mind, get over the feelings and fear i was having, and make myself ok with all possibilities that could come of the choice to say yes. Then i told kris, and I felt like she needed to hear it from me with explanations as to WHY I would say ok now after I was so dead set on NO WAY. She was owed an explanation, so she could make her choice herself.
And I HAVE been able to talk with her some after all this mess, Nothing about the letter, but I know she read it. She has also read our blog. It all involves her as well, so she has the right to know it all.
I cant help thinking we should have done what we said we would do and let her go when she was ready.
We have to let her go.
I CAN let her go, because I love her. Just like I CAN let him go if I ever was asked to.