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Old 03-31-2011, 08:17 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebug102579 View Post
I get jealous very easily and it has made me question whether or not a poly relationship is for me.
Just because you are in poly relationships doesn't mean you can't, won't, or shouldn't feel jealous. You're human and you feel what you feel. It's how you deal with jealousy that makes more of a difference.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebug102579 View Post
All of the past relationships we have had it ends up ugly and I find out that for the most part the other woman was just there for him and felt that she had to "play" with me in order to get him. So needless to say I have been scarred quite a bit by this.
Is this a requirement you have that you two must be involved together with the same woman? Why?

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebug102579 View Post
So we talked and text on the phone and I immediately fell in love!
Really? Seriously? Egad. Through phone calls and text messages you are in love with someone you haven't met yet? I find this hard to fathom. What about chemistry, that hard to describe thing that can only happen in person?

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebug102579 View Post
The only problems we have to overcome are:

1) She is still involved with someone who has no idea that she is thinking of becoming the third in our triad.

2) She lives 5 states away and is not wanting to move to us just yet but we are toying with the idea of moving to her.
I think you are largely being unrealistic. He tracks down his high school sweetheart, for whom he's carried a torch, and she's responded positively but is involved with someone. She may be thinking about being with you two, but it could just be a fantasy she doesn't necessarily need to make happen. She has a life.

Furthermore, why would you want her to uproot her when you have no relationship established with her yet? This is nonsensical. If you want to have something solid, some face-to-face meetings are in order, to see if there really is something there that you ALL want to develop into something more substantial and worthwhile.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebug102579 View Post
My husband and I tried with previous relationships the whole "alone time" thing. It didnt work because we would end up playing Tit for Tat - things like "Well, you got to hold her for 45 minutes and I only held her for 30". We understand how important alone time is and I am wanting to know how it has worked out for others in the same situation.
This sounds very icky. If I were treated like that, I'd run and never look back. I would say stop treating these women like toys or possessions that you each need to use to satisfy some idea of ownership.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebug102579 View Post
How do you tell the third person (whoever it may be) that you only want to be with the other person? Do you tell them to go sleep on the couch? Do you schedule it? Our GF (Thats what we call her now) and I have joked that she gets him M W F and I get him T TH and SAT and SUN is just for she and I. I know that is a crazy idea but it is just a joke for now.
See: Is our time split unusual?

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebug102579 View Post
Also how do I deal with the fact that I am fine with them having alone time with each other - I just dont want to hear the two of them going at it and will that feeling diminish with time once we get comfortable with each other?
Well, this is a common consideration and involves setting boundaries. Read some more of this forum, perhaps looking specifically for the keywords or tags "boundaries."

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebug102579 View Post
Please offer any advice for a struggling Polyamorist who has finally found her unicorn and does not want to give her up!!!
Yeah, that comment smacks of seeing her as a sex toy again, and not a person with individual rights, wants, needs, and feelings. Ick again. Truthfully, you do come across to me as having a somewhat immature outlook -- either that or you don't think things through well enough -- and so I question your approach to polyamory because of this.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-31-2011 at 10:52 PM.
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