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Old 03-31-2011, 07:36 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by younglove View Post
We eventually landed on just continuing and letting things naturally transition when he meets someone he thinks is appealing to date seriously. In the mean time, I told him I don't want guarded, held back feelings. He understood that and is happy to let us both feel these natural feelings of love and happiness while we spend time together. I enjoy this opportunity to spend moments of my life, however long, with him. I think this whole thing is worth it.
Hurrah! This sounds really healthy to me.

As far as the parents and worrying about the future... gosh, I wish there was a way to know sometimes, but you don't. So many people automatically assume, "We could never be accepted if we tell them" or "I don't want to deprive someone of their lifelong dream" whatever. People change. Our wants, desires, and needs change. We may think we must have that spouse, children, and a house with the white picket fence when we're 27 and then life experiences come along and at 37 we're all, "Fuck that!" And parents often do amazing things. I had a friend whose mother was a very traditional, conservative Eastern European, married for 50 years sort of person. My friend came out to her mother when she fell in love with a woman for the first time in her life, an unexpected thing, and was really nervous about it. Her mom shrugged and said, "These things happen" and was more accepting of it than anyone she knew.

That's why, so often, worrying about things that haven't happened yet just does no one any good in the here and now. Take it from me -- a chronic worrier learning to shed myself of that habit! It's not worth it. Having a game plan is great, but worrying is usually detrimental. Oh, but every game plan should have built into it the option to change the game plan at any time!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-31-2011 at 07:38 PM.
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