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Old 03-31-2011, 07:05 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Truthfully, there's something in your posts that I can't quite put my finger on, which make me a bit squeamish.
Originally Posted by magikman79 View Post
I wonder if she even realizes what she threw away today...

I don't see her growing up enough to fight for what she wants before it's too late.

But every time I try to do ANYTHING with her now, she will say yes, then not show up, or have an excuse why she can't or won't..
Maybe she's acquiescing to your requests and then backing out of it because perhaps you're coming across like you're guilt-tripping her? And isn't it a bit... hmm, arrogant or disrespectful in a way, for lack of better words, sorry... to assume that she doesn't realize what she is walking away from just because she is walking away? Perhaps she knows full well and is making the choice anyway.

To me, it sounds like she has given her actions much thought and from a mature perspective:

Originally Posted by TeamD79 View Post
[B]. . . She was so attentive to my feelings. She never did anything without making sure I was 100% ok with it first. We would make jokes that we were going to run away together just me and her. . . . Obviously at this point our view of her as being a fun new toy had changed into one of pure love and adoration. We were willing to give her our lives.

Then rather suddenly after a few months of heaven something changed. . . . She did tell me then she was having feelings for him and she was just trying to deal with jealousy of her own . . . She loved me enough to not want these feelings that were arising in her for him. . . . She assured me that she was NOT here to take him away from me and she had no intention of ever allowing that to happen. . . . She cared enough about me to step out of the picture in the end. . . . She was not Bi. She was young.
It seems she was being very considerate when she chose to leave the relationship. I know you all had feelings of love for each other, but the sentence I bolded above stood out for me, and when I read your posts, I just get the sense that there is still an element somewhere in you of losing a toy or possession. She is standing up for yourself and you two seem rather offended as well as hurt.

If I were you two, I'd leave her alone for a while. That big long letter was a bit much, IMHO. And I am someone who has written letters like that and realized that they tend to be overkill, or rub salt in the wound, or add drama to a situation. Be with your feelings of loss, examine them, and give yourselves some time before jumping into something with a third again. You don't need to "replace" her right away.

I hope you don't mind my honest feedback. I am offering it in the spirit of helpfulness.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 03-31-2011 at 08:54 PM.
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