New to this site so please bear with me!!! My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and have been poly for the last 2 1/2. I came out to him as bisexual and he has let me explore that. My biggest issue I have is jealousy!! I get jealous very easily and it has made me question whether or not a poly relationship is for me.
All of the past relationships we have had it ends up ugly and I find out that for the most part the other woman was just there for him and felt that she had to "play" with me in order to get him. So needless to say I have been scarred quite a bit by this.
Now to present day..... He has tracked down his Jr. High/High School sweetheart. Someone he still is in love with - you never forget your first love!! Someone he has been completely honest with me about. I was jealous at first because we were going through a REALLY BAD break up and my biggest fear was that if he were to leave me he already had someone to go to now that he found her. But she is the one that reached out to me and actually wanted to start a friendship with me. So we talked and text on the phone and I immediately fell in love! She is amazing and I have told my husband that I can totally see why he was able to hold on to her for over 20 years. She is bisexual as well and willing to be with us. The only problems we have to overcome are:
1) She is still involved with someone who has no idea that she is thinking of becoming the third in our triad.
2) She lives 5 states away and is not wanting to move to us just yet but we are toying with the idea of moving to her.
3) My jealousy issues.
My husband and I tried with previous relationships the whole "alone time" thing. It didnt work because we would end up playing Tit for Tat - things like "Well, you got to hold her for 45 minutes and I only held her for 30". We understand how important alone time is and I am wanting to know how it has worked out for others in the same situation. How do you tell the third person (whoever it may be) that you only want to be with the other person? Do you tell them to go sleep on the couch? Do you schedule it? Our GF (Thats what we call her now) and I have joked that she gets him M W F and I get him T TH and SAT and SUN is just for she and I. I know that is a crazy idea but it is just a joke for now.
Also how do I deal with the fact that I am fine with them having alone time with eachother - I just dont want to hear the two of them going at it and will that feeling diminish with time once we get comfortable with eachother?
Please offer any advice for a struggling Polyamorist who has finally found her unicorn and does not want to give her up!!!