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Old 03-31-2011, 12:40 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
By way of analogy, I'm massively careful to arrive on time for any of our "dates"*. I honestly don't know whether she'd be bothered if I was my usual unpunctual self, but it feels disrespectful to leave her hanging around. On the other hand, she often runs quite late, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Total cognitive dissonance on my part.

On a similar note, one thing I've been wondering - she mentioned that she's only considered herself poly since last year. I think it's a bit of an experiment for her. So can I safely assume that she's "pure poly" (if there is such a thing), or do I need to worry that she'll react mono-style in some situations? What are the major crisis points for someone who's still learning how to be poly? And is there a risk that we'll end up in a situation where she gets the best of both worlds and I get the worst?

* Quote marks for BlackUnicorn's benefit
Ooh, appreciate the quotation marks! Never personally wear unmatching underwear to any of my 'dates', just in case.

I think there are many helpful things to read in the life stories part, BUT the one major hurdle I can think of is jealousy. If you are not a compersion junkie like I am or have never experienced that, despite being all good with your partner having other partners in theory, jealousy can totally undo a starting (and why not an experienced) poly. Like that cognitive dissonance you spoke about; 'I know I have no business being jealous about him having other partners while I allow myself multiple partners, but f*!'.

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
Stuff doesn't stay secret forever. Some muppet (possibly me) makes a drunken wall-posting on facebook, or is a little careless with their Flickr snaps, and suddenly the world and his wife knows. So any plan that starts "just don't tell anybody"... that's not a long-term plan.
I believe once you honestly are happy and content in the relationship, which also would mean long-termishness in most cases, the fear of public disapproval lessens. Coming out as a bisexual after 10 years of closet-cleaning has been the best decision I've ever made, and I would never allow anyone to stuff me back in that musty old thing over being poly or whatever again. It's just too crowded in there.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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