Originally Posted by koifish
The three of us are getting along well in the last 2-3 weeks, but historically our relationship has been fraught with either she or I having serious freakouts and my very talented fiance holding it together. She almost broke up with us again 3 weeks ago and my fiance put things back together. But I was ready to let her amicably break up with us. She has the same issues come up over and over and they are legitimate and probably not fixable except in the very long term. She wants to be on completely equal standing with us right now, and always has, so the wedding sort of constantly upsets her. We were engaged 9 months before we met her.
When it's good with us, it's good. But that has been well under half the time.
I don't know if I am cut out for this.
Okay, this was something that immediately came to my mind but I didn't want to push it, since it seemed you were already in a bad place.
But yeah, incertainty about the future of your relationship with gf isn't going to help you weather out this storm.
So she wants equality, always has wanted equality, and you think that's a legit desire to have. No argument there. You all decided to get involved knowing you were engaged to be married to your fiance and not having any plans to change that. How did you discuss this thing with the gf at the time? Was she thinking that wedding wasn't going to happen? Was the whole relationship so tumultous that you thought it was better not to risk it?
Getting married in most of world's jurisdictions puts you in an entirely different footing with any additional partners in the relationship. You know that. Your gf knows that. You all have known this from day 1. So when was this discussed and resolved in a way everyone can be happy with?
May I ask how much of your current emotional distress is incertainty about is your relationship with the third so good and solid that it's worth risking social acceptance and support over? Not being judgemental, just thinking.