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Old 03-31-2011, 04:08 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Smack in the middle of The Spanish Revolution!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ComposerJ View Post
Easy solution, right? She gets a girlfriend, OUR relationship improves as a result and we stay together forever the way we both want! I've often said I'd do anything for her. After taking a long time to think about this, I told her I would be willing to try this.

The problem is, I don't know how to deal with it. I'm a monogamous person; I don't want anyone else and I can't imagine wanting anyone else. All I want is to be with her, and I can't help but feeling hurt that she doesn't feel the same way.
Try playing this game: Imagine yourself wanting to be the one she shares all her pleasures with, getting jealous whenever she wants to go on a shopping trip with one of her friends, dancing every dance with her at every party you ever go to, getting upset when she laughs at other people's jokes (I actually knew someone like this with his girlfriend - my ex.) There are very few people in this world who don't have do deal with jealousy at some time, so you're not alone.

In many cases of budding polyamory, there's the nagging question (on one partner's side): "What's wrong with me? Why does (s)he need somebody else? Why is my love not enough / not good enough?" In your case, there's an easy answer: she loves men and women. You're not a woman, so she can't satisfy that facet of her sexuality with you.

It hurts, I know. And I really was not trying to be flippant with that game suggestion. It might help to put things in perspective. It hurts and it's going to hurt for a while. But you love her and her happiness means a lot to you. And your happiness means a lot to her. So you're going to be gentle and patient with each other... and hopefully grow closer through the painful growing process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ComposerJ View Post
Recently, she's been having trouble connecting to me, romantically. Something just isn't "clicking". She has come to the conclusion that she is not straight enough to maintain a monogamous romantic relationship with a man [...]
Try playing this game: Imagine that she had come to the conclusion that she was not straight enough to maintain any kind of romantic relationship with a man! It would be easy to tell you that "half a loaf is better than none". But that isn't what I want to say at all. I have hopes for you that you'll discover that half a batch of yeast will soon grow and multiply... and be enough for 2 loaves (a richer relationship)!
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If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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