Originally Posted by redpepper
I like what Fidelia said; pay attention to your partners needs and then your own with this one. Talking about it with them can help, but it isn't always appropriate, so make sure you have your timing right or that you should be talking with them about it at all.
There is a lot of sucking up in poly... at least until later... it's part of good boundaries I think
I think this is a crucial point. We poly-people tend to go to "more communication" as our first answer to everything... I know I do... but processing takes a lot of mental energy, both from you and from the person you're doing it with. Sometimes you just need to summon your inner zen and let things be what they are.
And when the processing you're doing with someone is about your other lover, it's a real gift for the person doing it with you to take the time and energy to help you work through things. Don't always bite your tongue when you're struggling, but don't risk abusing that gift either!