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Old 03-30-2011, 09:39 PM
Myrddin Myrddin is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 6

MonoVCPHG: Oh, I like that survival guide.

Tonberry / BlackUnicorn: good questions. Without wanting to seem like a game-show host, I might discreetly scribble out a list of those before our next meeting.

The fluid-bonding thing is a non-issue, certainly for the foreseeable future. I have no intention of becoming a daddy.

Originally Posted by PolyNrrdGrrl
It seems like through his struggles with polyamory, he fails to realize he is already ENGAGING in it, by simply being with me, while I'm with her, and she's with whomever, and so on
Yeah, that sounds like me in another couple of months. When it finally hits home, I'd be interested to know what his reaction is. He might be putting off thinking about it.

By way of analogy, I'm massively careful to arrive on time for any of our "dates"*. I honestly don't know whether she'd be bothered if I was my usual unpunctual self, but it feels disrespectful to leave her hanging around. On the other hand, she often runs quite late, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Total cognitive dissonance on my part.

On a similar note, one thing I've been wondering - she mentioned that she's only considered herself poly since last year. I think it's a bit of an experiment for her. So can I safely assume that she's "pure poly" (if there is such a thing), or do I need to worry that she'll react mono-style in some situations? What are the major crisis points for someone who's still learning how to be poly? And is there a risk that we'll end up in a situation where she gets the best of both worlds and I get the worst?

Thanks for the advice Your situation seems scarily similar to mine - for a moment there I was seriously wondering whether you were her! That would have been a bit of a shock...

* Quote marks for BlackUnicorn's benefit

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
If the judgement of your friends is a concern now, how will you feel if she starts dating other men?
Good question. Hopefully this wouldn't happen until I've had time to figure out how I feel about the situation.

Another of those things that shouldn't make a difference but does is that three of my friends are getting married this year (to different people, I mean). It's hard to move against the flow towards a more experimental lifestyle.

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
I think straight guys have two basic responses to female bisexuality...
Actually, neither of these is me. Which came as a surprise, really.

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
Getting to know the OSO could assuage many of your potential fears. Also seeing the two of them together might help you understand what this lifestyle is about.
That makes sense. Although we're assuming that the OSO is also poly, which frankly I have no idea about. Need to ask.

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
No stop-gaps that I can see. Could you specify?
Stuff doesn't stay secret forever. Some muppet (possibly me) makes a drunken wall-posting on facebook, or is a little careless with their Flickr snaps, and suddenly the world and his wife knows. So any plan that starts "just don't tell anybody"... that's not a long-term plan.
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