Originally Posted by Fidelia
[*]proceed with the wedding as planned[*]tell my parents (and any other concerned parties) that nothing has changed except what they know about my/our love
life, remind them that, as an adult, I think and choose and act for myself (as does my fiance) and that as much as I want them present to celebrate my wedding, I would understand if they choose to not participate or be present[*]prepare to do the same with anyone else concerned (or else get out in front of the avalanche by outting my tribe at a time and place of our choosing)[*]keep my ears and eyes open for the identity of the person who has chosen to stir the stink at our expense. When s/he reveals him/herself, I would express my genuine opinion of his/her actions in this matter (in clear and specific terms,
if you know what I mean), then promptly expel the troublemaker from my life.[/LIST]
Best of luck to you, whatever you decide to do.
My only real change here would be to the underlined part-I'd change to say this...
(Because the truth is that their issue isn't with the fact that you love someone in addition to your fiance. It's that you are "in love" with and/or sexually involved with someone in addition to your fiance.)
I would add at the end of that sentence:
choose to be present if you are unable to behave in a respectful and loving manner.
The truth is that this isn't a day for "showing off". It's a day to commemmorate and acknowledge your commitment to one of your beloved's. IF they don't wish to witness it, that's their business, but if they choose to witness it, they need to behave with respect and dignity.
As for the "out to everyone" or not... I can't much help with that. That's such a personal decision. I know for me, I don't handle surprises well (good or bad).
Honest and truly:
So I'd (with signficant other) probably just make an announcement to everyone invited along these lines:
"Due to the recent drama over the fact that WE LR Smith & Maca Doe, love other people as well as each other;
it's come to our attention that apparently some people are unable or unwilling to do the same.
Therefore we feel compelled to most sincerely apologize for our serious neglect in considering the emotional and psychological limitations of our invitees before choosing our guest list to our upcoming commitment ceremony and celebration of love!
We'd both like to assure every person on our guest list that this oversight was completely unintentional and we intend to rectify it immediately!
We completely understand now, that while it has been natural to both of us since birth, when we learned to love both our mother and our father; to love many people; that is not true for everyone.
It is our desire to show due respect to every one of our invitees. In an attempt to correct our inadvertant misstep that may have trod on a few toes and to acknowledge our now deeper understanding about the following:
A) Our guests' personal right to love as they deem appropriate
B) Our guests' needs to participate only in activities with which they feel safe and comfortable
C) Our desire to ease any sense of obligation we may have created with our invitations
D) Any confusion we may have caused by not previously acknowledging our profound giftedness at loving not only each other but many others in our lives
We would like to reassure each of you that lack of attendence on your part will in no way negatively impact the joy and celebration of our day. We gratefully appreciate each of you taking the time to consider our invitation. We continue to look forward to sharing the day with all of you who do choose to attend. For those who are unable to attend for any reason, we look forward to sharing enjoyable camaraderie at a future date.
LR Smith & Maca Doe
I suppose most people on the board would find the whole idea of doing something like that shocking. But, I know myself too well, that'd be my ticked off, eyebrow raised, "ok fine lets play" response to the b.s. you are suffering at the moment.
In fact, if it were me, I just might give up something else so I could pay to print it on special cardstock matching my original invites. Then I'd mail one to each person who got an invitation.
However, I'm not dumb enough to think that the world at large could handle the potential "WTF" questions that might follow.
Look to your heart Dear, find what will make you most happy and do it. Then, let go of that which you can't control-which is anyone else's thoughts or behaviors; and enjoy that wedding!