Originally Posted by JameeDee
Since my post yesterday, we have all had a sit-down, grown-up talk and have established some rules.
1. No overnight stays
2. TALK more! If you're not sure what someone means by something...ask!
3. Independent hook-ups are OK ie. she and I, hubby and she, or hubby and I (of course)
The arguing between hubby and gf is very trivial. He said he would come see her at work, and didn't. She's disappointed. OR She makes some comment about some other guy being "the man" - hubby is jealous, but won't admit it.
Okay. Things are super-new.
A few points come to mind:
1) Safe-sex inside the group, yay! Probably not a problem this early on in the relationship, but have you thought about possible outside crushes and how to deal with them? It seems your hubby would be most comfortable with one-penis-policy, but is that really realistic?
Also, safe-sex as in being fluid-bonded inside the group? How about babies? I know it sounds silly to ask this, but things like these happen - condom breakage, forgetting the pill etc.
2) Rules 2 and 3 seem very sensible. However, what's behind rule 1? Too different morning-habits?
3) The reasons you describe for your hubby and gf arguing seem very basic 'new relationship, shitloads of insecurity' -stuff. Since you were the primus motor behind this triad, they might not have yet had the opportunity to develop their relationship. To encourage that, independent hook-ups, dates etc. might help.
The only insecurities you can deal with, unfortunately, are your own. You can hook them up with resources (like this board, internet resources on polyamory, the local poly community etc.) that might help then deal with jealousy & insecurity, though. And you can always self-educate!
If it doesn't turn out into a lasting triad, don't despair. Treasure the vee if a vee it becomes. Cultivate individual relationships with both. You have a very healthy attitude to working things out together.