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Old 03-30-2011, 02:41 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Ooh, a quick reply and then I really need to shower for public-health reasons.

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
That is a really really good point that I hadn't considered. You're right that the OSO being a girl makes a difference - it doesn't trigger the "me man, me dominant" reaction in the same way, and it means I don't feel like I'm being compared. I don't know how I'd react if there was another bloke.
Yep, my question on how you feel about her bisexuality was more along these lines, not so much about 'are you generally okay with LGBT people'. I think if you weren't, you wouldn't bother about the relationship in the first place.

I think straight guys have too basic responses to female bisexuality (sorry all your straight guys out there, I do love y'all);
1) Hmm, has she actually ever had a relationship with a girl before? I mean, how could she, because she, like obviously enjoys having sex with me. Did they use a strap-on? Who used the strap-on?!? And what about boobs? I mean, if she's really into tits, maybe I'll never compare. Maybe it was just a phase, y'know.
2) That's HOT! I mean, HOTHOTHOT! Hey, maybe we can have a threesome. There's enough of a man in me to go around, heehee... Girls kissing girls are so hot. And cute. Maybe we can all be together? I do so love watching Big Love. And now that she has one of each, she'll not be going after another guy, at least. Like, she has everything she needs now, right?

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
In that case, between you and me and the garden gate, I've never dated. Given that I'm mid-20s, this is yet another source of relationship insecurity and confusion that has nothing to do with polyamory.
The garden gate nods vigorously. Knowing she herself would still not be dating in that case either if she hadn't been somewhat vigorously pursued in the tender age of 20, she understands.

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
OSO and I fail to get along, end up in some kind of passive-aggressive war for her time and attention, everyone's life is made hell, and we end up breaking up anyway. Leaving me with yet another reason to feel emotionally insecure.
That can happen. However, mono relationship can go all to hell too. People who are not in the lifestyle tend to blame relationship breakdown on one or both partners being poly, whereas if a mono person cheats, it was due to 'issues of communication' instead of the partners being (obviously not) mono.

Getting to know the OSO could assuage many of your potential fears. Also seeing the two of them together might help you understand what this lifestyle is about.

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
Oh yeah, and my friends - most of whom are mono, some of whom are macho - all find out and think I'm an idiot for getting into the situation. (I used to have a reputation for getting into daft scrapes, which took me five years to shake, and I'd rather not re-earn it.)
Peer pressure. My mum thinks me having dated a man who has two other gfs is the equivalent to me betraying all my feminist principles and being a total slut, too. You would be well advised to start developing a thicker skin for that kind of stuff.

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
Fair point. But you're missing the most important question: what relationship status should she put on her Facebook profile?
Hm, I don't use FB but somebody demonstrated to me that you can enter multiple relationship statuses, just name them differently. Like being engaged to one and 'it's complicated' with the other .

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
I guess what bothers me here is that these seem like stop-gap solutions, which implicitly assume the relationship will be short-term. I'm... romantic, I guess you'd say, and I have trouble thinking of a relationship as being on a timer. Maybe it'd be good for me to try.
No stop-gaps that I can see. Could you specify?

Originally Posted by Myrddin View Post
Hmm, this seems to have turned into a full-blown therapy session :-/
More therapy for everyone! Now, shower therapy for me ->
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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