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Old 03-30-2011, 01:48 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Originally Posted by koifish View Post
They all say they are sad and disappointed and question why we are getting are getting married, even. They say the idea of our marriage has really been tarnished in their eyes and that when we have people come to our wedding who don't know about our third, that we are lying to them and betraying them. One of them said she specifically does not want our third at the wedding.
Why are you getting married? Once you know, you will know what to tell your family, should they ever decide to get low enough from their high horses to listen.

You can't be responsible for other people's ideas about what marriage in general and your marriage specifically should be like. Your private life is just that - private. Everyone has the right to decide what level of personal life details they want to share with others. Not telling every single person you ever become friendly with about every single vulnerability you've ever had is not dishonest, it's smart. People earn your trust - somebody accepting an invitation to a wedding doesn't mean you are suddenly accountable to them on every single thing that has lead to this point in your life.

I hope you are still inviting your third. Do you have children? To me, somebody disrespecting your family like that, even if they are themselves family, is out of order. They could be asking you not to invite hypothetical kids from previous relationships because that acts as an uncomfortable reminder of you having had a life before this day, and you continuing to have a life, and even separate existence, from your husband.

Originally Posted by koifish View Post
My fiance now feels compelled to out us to his parents. This is horrible. I'm scared. Not what we would have chosen. I don't know if his parents will want their financial contribution back. This will leave us with very little money for any kind of reception.
Telling his parents gives this person, whoever they are, too much power. This is most likely exactly what they wanted to achieve. It might be advisable to make an emergency plan on how to finance the wedding in case his parents are the kind of people who would seek to manipulate you by abusing the financial power they have over you.

Don't give in! Support each other and your third. At some point, your family will start yanking up the heat in what comes to her, trying to make her feel bad about herself and ashamed of her relationship with you. Don't let them.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower