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Old 03-30-2011, 12:55 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

I feel bad for you, or that's not quite right. I feel compassion.

Whatever the outcome of this situation is, what struck me about your original post is this:

Originally Posted by TravelGuy25 View Post
I think she told me this in order to get the conversation going in this direction but I still hold reservations.

She is throwing signal after signal after me but I don't want to bite.

That day we talk, via text, and it comes out she desperately wanted me to make a move.

She goes back and forth from telling me I make her feel like she is 15 again and she is nervous every time she sees me complete with butterflies and word fumbling to re assuring that its just sexual.

She went out drinking last night and it seemed as if she was trying to gauge my jealousy of another guy hitting on her at the bar. I am a little jealous but I've never been the jealous type so I don't really bite. It seems to bother her but she brushes it off quick and I get the feeling the goes back and forth between states of feelings beyond sexual towards me and the hard ass, more mature girl looking for sex.
One thing she is not, my friend, is mature. There is nothing mature about her behavior. She is demonstrating the exact opposite behavior to maturity; manipulation. She is in fact so afraid of taking responsibility over her own life and actions that she has to resort to constantly pushing other people to behave in the way she would like them to.

What would a mature person have done in this situation?
Communicate openly about her needs and wants with EVERYONE involved.

The harm has already been done; she has established a dishonest, manipulative and irresponsible pattern of communication in this relationship and after initial resentment, you have allowed yourself to be swept of your feet and are now actively supporting and enabling that behavior. You are not helping her become the best person she can be, but are allowing her to function at her lowest and basest level. This is not love, this is giving up.

That being said, I think there is a way out of it, but that way involves both of you fessing up to what you have done, accepting the repercussions, and especially for you to stop enabling her cheating. If you love her, you will not allow her to hurt herself and others in this manner.

As to your question of does being the man in the middle make you as guilty as she is, a quote from a Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh came immediately to my mind. I'll paraphrase the idea if not the exact words on what he has to say on ethical sexuality;

"I accept my responsibility for the correct use of the gift of sexuality. I promise to conduct myself sexually in a manner that is nonviolent, generous, honest and free from addictions."

Lots of love.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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