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Old 03-30-2011, 07:23 AM
Tiana Tiana is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 20
Smile Poly-Joy

Not sure if anyone reads these anymore but I started writing them I may as well keep going with it, even if it is sporadic. March, well, itís been busy again. This year just seems to keep flying by. Guess this time Iíll start with updates on things mentioned in my last entry.

My Grandmother finally got her surgery and is recovering slowly. Things havenít really changed for us on that front though as we still have to help her though gradually sheís beginning to do stuff on her own.

Things with John and Jenny have settled down significantly and theyíre just friends now and Iíve started to form a bit of a friendship with her as well.

Iím still working on getting that energy scrub/smudge done to help me with cleansing me. There was someone at the womenís meet who offered to help though the only contact I have with her is via email and it seems sheís not very responsive that way so weíll see what happens. Iíd still very much like to get it done, anything that holds potential to help me Iíll try.

Bob still is bugging me about the engagement ring. Honestly Iíve not been thinking about it and heís not going to let up till he gets it back. I honestly donít want to deal with him anymore so I told him heíd have to pay for it and Iíd send it CoD. He said that was fine. Iíve had him blocked on my im clients since last month and havenít had any contact with him except in my MMO where I canít do much about it. I honestly didnít think it possible to ďfall OUT of loveĒ with someone, but I have, I donít love him at all anymore, in fact Iíve grown to dislike him. I donít want anything to do with him for now, maybe a couple years down the road we can be friends but right now I just want him out of my life. Iím hoping as soon as I send the ring back heíll leave me the hell alone. I blew up on him this time when he asked about it. Told him I donít break my promises, and in not so blunt terms he basically accused me of being a liar. I accused back, and he claimed heíd never lied to me, I told him he canít live by a double standard; that being simply unspoken promises, apparently they donít count when he makes them but they do when I make them. He wants to talk to me about whatís on his mind and get some closure, and asked not to leave him hanging on too long about it. I honestly donít care what he has to say and donít want to hear it. I honestly expect heíd just point and lay blame and try and hurt me more, I donít think I deserve that and at the time of this writing, I donít intend to give him that or allow it.

Things are hairy for Beth. He house has been put up for auction to be sold since the bank has foreclosed upon it and will go up in early may (I think, donít remember the exact date). As if that werenít enough, the free clinic she had been going to refuses to take her anymore since sheís not ďtechnicallyĒ homeless. She has diabetes, heart issues, thyroid issues, neuropathy, depression and a few other issues. She had been seeing a counsellor there and getting the meds required for her survival for free. Now theyíre shutting the doors to her and saying ďyouíre not homeless, go screw yourself and dieĒ nice huh? I worry for her and what will happen to her but as she lives in a different country and on the other end of the continent from me, there isnít anything I can really do to help except offer a friendly ear and try and be supportive when I talk to her.

My Dad now has something in common with Beth it seems. We found out Friday that he has diabetes. Heís been tested twice now. We donít know which type yet, but theyíve asked him to eat healthier and exercise and will test him again in 3 months to see if he needs meds. His Uncle was a diabetic too, so it is in the family, though we had thought his was brought on by drinking, and diabetes usually skips a generation, in my Dadís case, it didnít. Some days heís positive about it, and others heís very negative. So weíll see how that goes.

My job situation, well Iíve been going to a place called worklink and seeing a case manager to help me with my resume and cover letter and have taken a couple free workshops to help as well. So far Iíve taken the Hidden Job Market workshop and the workshop on interviews. I learned at both that I need to take another workshop for career planning to figure out what my skills are, what my interests are as they can apply to jobs and get an idea what direction I want to go in. That one is coming up in mid-April. Itís been rather helpful so far, though Iíve not had the chance to apply any of it, more on why later. My current job is picking up this month though as I am working a bunch this week, next week and the week after, so more money is good, just hope my back will survive it.

Now, why have I not started applying what Iíve learned in the workshops? Well shifts in my current job picking up but also in the past week I spent a weekend with one of the ladies from the womenís group out in the wilderness to celebrate the spring equinox and had an AMAZING time. Then when I got back I had a week to spend with Edge who came to visit on his holidays.

In the last month edge and I have sort of become partners in an unspoken way. I kinda just started introducing him as such to my friends that do know I am poly. He spoiled me thoroughly though I tried to protest he insisted, and said if I had to give it a reason to just call it back pay for missed birthdays and xmas gifts for many past years where Iíd gotten him gifts and he didnít get me anything. He told me Iíd spoiled him but just letting him come to visit. We had some private fun as well and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. On the last night he was here we went on a Ghost walk which was super fun cuz he can see sense, and sometimes see the spirits and can see auras as well. He even caught a picture of one on camera during the walk. It was really neat hearing his commentary to me along with the guideís comments as well. The guide even asked for a copy of the picture! We had a great time and it was really nice to see him again. So I now have two partners in my life.

Speaking of having two partners, I spoke with John about my week after edge had to return home, and he mentioned heíd come to expect that when it was confirmed Edge was coming to visit me, that there would be sex. Even after the fact, he was okay with it! He was happy Iíd enjoyed myself. Just hearing that is a poly experience Iíll never forget and once again affirms within me that Poly is who I am! I felt so wonderful and happy knowing that they both knew and know, and theyíre both okay with it, and that I can keep them both. Itís truly a great feeling and it feels so RIGHT! It made me think; Polyamoury, whereíve you been all my life? I know Iíve been poly all my life but didnít know about it till the last year and realize thatís what I am. So I had a moment of pure joy and glee knowing that this is who I am, it IS okay, and that all parties involved love me, will always love me and are okay with me having them both as partners. Just amazing!

Itís been a busy month, tried to keep this shorter, and seems I've managed to keep it to one post! And hey, Iím ending on a positive note this time too!

Last edited by Tiana; 03-30-2011 at 07:26 AM.
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