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Old 03-30-2011, 05:03 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

You can still have a fun wedding!

I agree with LR. Hold your head high. You invited the people you invited to share in your day because of love, closeness, affection, connection, etc. That is still there, no matter whether they approve of your situation or not. If they cannot rise above their prejudices and choose not to go, it will be their loss. Their reaction doesn't have to affect the wedding negatively, and I think outing yourselves to his parents is only going to make things worse if you still feel you are not ready for that. If I were you, I wouldn't change a thing. There is no reason not to proceed as planned.

My mother did not come to my wedding because she had emotional problems and said she wasn't able to handle the stress of meeting people in that setting. I wouldn't change my plans and went ahead anyway. As I saw it, my wedding was for ME (and my husband of course), not her. I could have scrambled to change everything and had a smaller ceremony that she could feel comfortable with, but I saw that as bending my life to fit her narrow view of the world, when she could have made an attempt to be there with family who loved her and be there for me (for a change). Sure, people wondered about it, looking askance at the nearly empty pew on my family's side of the chapel, but I was going to enjoy my day anyway - and I had a great time.

I have a third cousin whose mother "disowned" her when she became engaged to an African-American man. Her mother refused to speak to her and wouldn't go to the wedding. Besides being incredibly hypocritical (my family is descended from African slaves on that side and they know that), this caused a rift in the family and most of the relatives rallied around the daughter and showed up to be supportive. I know it hurt her, but my cousin just held her head high and continued with her plans.

Do not stoop to the level of prejudiced people (prejudice just means "pre-judging" someone or something before you have the facts or get to know them).

If I were you, I would ask your parents if they intend to be there. If not, shrug it off and invite other people you know will be supportive in their place. If they do intend to go, I would tell them in no uncertain terms that this is your life and your wedding and if they are going to give you a hard time or sit there in judgment, making your day miserable, then they are not welcome. You can stand up for yourself.

If they want to know more about the relationship, you might say that you are willing to talk about it with them if they are willing to have an open mind, but to know also that you are moving forward with your wedding plans and that you regret they are refusing to be supportive of something that makes you happy.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 03-30-2011 at 05:06 AM.